parenting reality 101
There is an abundance of literature on how to be a better parent to be thankful for. However, here we take a “self-reflexive” moment. An exploration about the realities of being a parent. The first reality is many of us don’t think to “study” before becoming a parent, and go with the flow. That’s the reality for us. Kids, unfortunately do not come with instructions. So what then? Do we really need instructions? The only purpose of this spot is to provide a few resources and light heart respite for parents. We are one, and we get you.
the hand
There is parental help out there if you seek it. We like deals and there’s no better deal than getting parental advice from grandma and grandpa, or siblings, or uncles, or your next door neighbor. It’s free. There is wisdom in there. Somewhere. But the parenting reality is we probably missed it. We’re a species of habit. And a busy species. We tend to do things how we always do things, despite the wisdom that may come across our paths.
However, we do like to try new things, so maybe let’s try a moment of free wisdom.
step-by-step
Despite the many self-help resources, maybe the best advice is the KISS method: Keep It Simple Stupid. This means you can almost not fail if you stick to a simple plan and routine. It will make it easier on you and your kids if you stick to your plan. Here is what we think are the basics (to each parent their own):
- Nutrients: Keep your children fed routinely (about the same time everyday) with the basic food groups in portion (veggies, fruits, meats, grains, and dairy). If you’re child is without nutrients this impacts every other development aspect! If you need food assistance, you can start here. No child should ever be truly “starved” of nutrients.
- Development: Once the bellies are full and energy is there, time to explore. Anything: playing, building, reading, helping, and yes we’ll vote even electronics… everything in moderation. Not all kids will be motivated on their own, so we do have to participate in their little worlds when we can. Exercise both their little bodies and minds.
- Resting: We’ve found each kid is different in how they rest, despite any science. The key is routine. So, if you’re child naps, let him or her nap. Just make sure it’s consistent (and early enough) so that they aren’t up late into the night. Routine rest time. Routine.
- Environment & Love: No matter how irritated or tired, this is where we separate adults from children. Give empathy and love regularly. Despite what child exorcist and evilness may come at you, return with love. Love, safety and security can be like nutrients, and in any environment from poor to rich.
the parenting reality
And here comes the parenting reality. We get worn down, agitated, frustrated, angry, and yes we fail our kids, even with basics. You’ll mess up just as your kids do. Don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all been there. However, how you choose to bounce back, with kindness and love, or more frustration and anger, is the deciding factor in the overall well-being of the children, yourself and your family.
And if the going gets really hard for you, never feel like something is wrong if you need to seek help. Many of us need it, but are afraid to admit it, like we are weak. We’re not, we’re human. Powers in numbers so call in back up if you need it.
a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down
There’s never a more stressful and taxing moment when caring for a sick child. Especially, the more vulnerable or very young children. No matter the ailment. If you’re looking for the magic cure, there is none here. Perhaps the reality is, we do the best we can with what we can and what we know how to do. The important part is knowing we’ve only failed as parents, if we failed to try. This may or may not help but here’s some tips for when your child is sick:
Dam the waterfall
Those nose “sucker” or “bulbs that suck boogers out of their noses is like magic. If you can get it to work, it is an unsung hero in your aresenol to combat your child’s cold. Once we learned how to get the bulbs to work, we adverted time and time again the illness getting worse, like infection or heavy chest wheezing and coughing… stuff that frightens and keeps you up at night along with your child! The bulbs work for infants as well!
As soon as you recognize your child falling ill, all you can do to keep the nasal passages as clear as possible, truly works wonders.
Feed the beast
Your child may not want to eat, but sticking as close as you can to your meal routine works it wonders. You’ll be double tired when your child is sick, but keeping the meals coming will help you advert triple and quadruple tired. Liquid form such as soup broths, have worked wonders for us. Just keep it going!
Super soaker
There is where my wife may bop me, and you may too, but here it goes. A nice warm, warm long bath with your child in it will help – even if they have a mild fever. But mild fever, if your child is upwards to 103 to 104 degrees, you need to cool them down and use fever reducers such as Children’s Motrin.
With that said a warm soak, even with a mild fever, can help. At that time use your nose sucking bulb to wow your child with how powerful you can shoot a stream of water with it. Then, use it to suck as much snot out of them while you can get it when it’s “loose” from the warm soak. The more you can get out the better.
roller coaster
Eventually may cough, a lot. If you can keep the boogers away with your powerful sucker, then you just might advert a bad cough. However, even with that not all of us are that lucky. When children are stuffed and coughing, they do not sleep well, and neither do you! Here’s a little trick that has worked for us, particularly with babies.
You can let your little one sleep in the car seat! First, not in the car, but in your room or in their room. Take the car seat and use whatever you have to tilt it back slightly, as if you are just starting to go up on a roller coaster. The idea is to keep your baby sleeping “upright” and tilted slightly back so that the child’s head tilts slightly back helping to open up the air passage. Think “tilting back” head before performing CPR. If you hit the right position, your child will breathe easier (even with a nasty cough) and sleep better. This secret home made move, we’re thinking about patenting, so use it now while it’s free!
the parenting reality
When it comes time to admit that we don’t know it all then the best thing to do is admit it. The parenting reality is if your child is very ill, or even if you think your child is very ill, then time to get to the doctor! Do not wait if you’re worried. We promise, healthcare will not judge you if you blow the whistle over and over, and turns out not to be serious. We know from experience. So if cough is bad, fever is bad, breathing is bad, or you’re just worried – seek professional help!
how to train your dragon
Ah yes behavior. Just admit, right off the cuff, we as parents are not perfect either. Therefore, how can we expect our kids to be? Acting classes… that’s how. Instead of “how to books” about being a better parent, save time and money by just acting like one. Children, especially young children, whether we notice or not, absorb their surroundings like sponges. Therefore, the more you can model a super hero the better.
However, there is a flaw. Eventually, they grow in to this things called pre-teens and teens and acquire the ability to see past your magic act. By then, we’re hoping we’ve made an Oscar winning performance to have instilled enough modeled goodness in our kids to make the better choice. Once your child realizes you’re a fraud, remind them of Santa, or the Easter Bunner, or Superman – they aren’t real either, but what they stand for… are.
parenting reality step-by-step
The only thing we’ve learned as parents is there is no single secret to success or “right way” as a parent. All we can really do is step to the beat of our own tune, one step at a time. And within each step, remember to enjoy the moment as they go by faster and faster.
And our next step should be, the reality of how, if possible, to return to a not being a parent. Fall in love with yourself all over again. And here’s one idea for doing it.
